Cultivating Children’s Character
Author: Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah رحمه الله
Source: Tuhfatul-Mawdūd Bi Ahkām al-Mawlūd, Printed by Dār Ālam al-Fawāid, p.349 -350
Translation: Abu Zaynab Muhammad Amin al-Jazāiri
'“Focusing on cultivating a child’s character is an absolute necessity. The child matures on manners the guardian allows him to become accustomed to at a younger age, such as a bad temper, anger, stubbornness, hastiness, carelessness with their desires, recklessness, rage, and greediness. Consequently, it becomes difficult for him to correct these habits at an older age. These character traits become attributes and fixed manners for him. Even if he strives to hide these traits, they will inevitably surface one day and expose him. It is the upbringing that is the cause of so many people having misguided character traits.
To prevent this from occurring, a child that has reached an age of comprehension should be prevented from: attending gatherings of unbeneficial speech and falsehoods, singing, listening to vulgar speech, religious innovations, and evil speech. If they become comfortable with hearing such things, it won’t leave them at an older age, nor will the guardian be able to remove them. Refining habits is a difficult feat. One must create an entirely new normal for themselves, and abandoning the previous normal is extremely difficult.
Additionally, the guardian should be highly vigilant in keeping him away from continuously taking and receiving from others. If this becomes a norm for him, he will become accustomed to always getting and never giving. Instead, nurture them upon spending and giving. If the guardian intends to give (a charity), let the child give it with his hand so that he may taste the sweetness of giving.
He should have a greater zeal in preventing him from lying and betraying (trusts) than he would have in protecting him from deadly poison. If lying and betraying (trusts) begin to come easy to him, they will ruin the happiness of this life and the next and deprive him of all goodness.
(The Guardian) should also prevent his laziness, inactivity, and seeking an excessive amount of comfort and relaxation. Moreover, he should engage him with the very opposite of these characteristics. Relaxation should only be a means of recovery for them and their body after work. Laziness and inactivity have tragic consequences and regrettable outcomes.
On the other hand, hard work and fatigue produce praiseworthy outcomes in this life, the next, or both. People accustomed to comfort are the ones that struggle, while people accustomed to fatigue are most successful. Indeed, mastering this life and attaining happiness in the next is impossible except by living a life of struggle and hard work. Yahya bin Abi Kathīr, may Allah have mercy on him, said, “Knowledge is not attained through the relaxation of the body.”
